Action and Reaction

It has happened to me many times. After saying or doing something I have thought I should not have said this or I should not have done this as it hurt someone else.

Any event in our life is not insulated. It impacts , beneficially or adversely,  not only people around us, but also how they behave to us and others. That one event may trigger a series of other events which could be like pulling a card from the bottom in a pyramid of cards destroying the entire structure or putting the first card there to build up the pyramid.

What makes us react to a situation is that we fail to assess the situation as an independent event. Our brain gets programmed over a period of time.

Let's assume we know that a particular person is uses to having liquor once in while or weekends. We see this person coming from a pub and what does our brain tell us - he has just come out after a drink. May be he has stopped drinking or was in pub just to meet a friend - but we are quick to pass our judgment.

Let's take another instance. Last time when I broke something my father had scolded me. This time something falls down and breaks without my involvement in it, my first statement to a furious dad would be " I did not do it" instead of "Not sure how this happened and I was in the other room. I too came out hearing the sound". My denial would be so aggressive and so defensive that someone who hears would also be flared up or disappointed as they would never have expected this reaction. Would it not have hurt my father that I was being aggressive with him? Rather I would be asking him why is he so aggressive and why is he so angry?

Many times my wife calls me from the other room and I would have decided "She is going to ask me get her something or help her with some task" and my response would be nothing less that "What the hell ??". I go there and see a dejected wife who would have called me for a cup of coffee and see what I have done. May be she would have called me for an odd work but did my reaction help any further than spoiling few good moments together?

Same with my mother. There are times when I have assumed she has blamed me for some action wherein all she would have done was looking it at it from her experience and even more out of anxiety about my future.

Forget all of them, see what I do with my two year old son. He would have been nagging me all the while and when he calls me just to inform that he would like to go to loo I prejudge and shout at him.

When I am not able to control my thoughts, my statements and my actions who  am I to judge someone else? Will not me assessing the situation better and replying/acting in a calm demeanor help maintain a positive energy there? And what did I gain? Looking back, every time, I have seen that I gained nothing but only lost a beautiful moment that I could have shared with others, wherein I could have cut my ego and helped address mutual concerns. This is true on all occasions wherein I have lost my temper and behaved rude with someone.

The problem is I am conditioned by my past experiences. I do not approach a situation fresh rather I approach it with all premonitions and my mind is so occupied to arrive at and drive my points that I forget to read the context. I never try to see why the other person behaves so and if there is something I can do about it? I stop driving the situation and let the situation drive me.  I am not ready to change at this age and I expect my seniors to mend their ways. It is easy to compare and give excuses - that their situation is different from mine and that I have reasons (rather excuses) as to why I behaved in a particular manner. But in a moment of solitude, if I ask myself, my conscience would definitely tell me that I could have done better.

Every time we go through something bad it is quite natural for us to say "This too shall pass".  But as it passes we need to remember that a tree of life grown on the barren soil of  broken relationships watered with tears can never bear fruits of happiness and peace.We always live in the past or in the future and forget the present. We speak or react based on what we learn in the past. We speak or react, anxious about what would this holds for me in the future and in the whole process we forget to live the present. If I can walk that extra mile, if I can take that extra 10 minutes of my otherwise mundane life, if I can take a conscious effort to be in the Present, not to bring my past into my present or drive my present into my future, I believe I can do wonders. This does not apply to my personal relationship alone but my career and my life as a whole.

However, many times I have that I hear a lot but I listen so little, I see a lot but I comprehend so little, I speak a lot but I convey so little, I react a lot but I act so little.

And  may be this my New Year Resolution that I listen more and I hear less, I see less I comprehend more, I speak less but I convey more and last not least I act more and react less.

"Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but how we react to what happens, not by what life brings us but the attitude we bring to life" -- Wade Boggs

Small Deeds .. Small Changes..

The world is changing every day and we keep reading about people who bring change with their lives in a very big way. We have seen the Gates',  the Jobs', the 10dulkars', the Kalams, the Mother Teresas; who have been able to think and act in a way that has changed the way millions live around the world.

We may be, many times, bogged down by their greatness and think if we can make a difference at all.  A small deed can bring in a small change; that too can make someone smile that day and if we can, by the way we think and act, bring even a small change in someone's life, if we can leave that smile on someone's face that we see, talk or interact, I believe we have made a change.

A change is a wave. It creates ripples. It propagates from one person to another, one family to another, one village to another and may be one day one nation to another.

Two instances happened to me today and they teach me that it is not always the BIG deed that brings changes. 

I take my two-wheeler till the nearest Metro station and then travel around 10 minutes by Metro before I reach station close to my office. Another 5 minutes walk and I am at my office. I was little late to office, than that I had planned for the day. I parked my two wheeler and was moving hurriedly towards the upward stairs that would take me to the entrance. Before I reached the upward stairs, there are a series of small stairs to be covered. 

Another man was in front of me, equally in hurry (may be to his office) and then I saw him stop for a while near the series of small stairs. A small boy was carrying water in a pot on his head and was holding another one on his hand partly resting on his waist. He looked like one of those boys we normally see staying on roadside tents / slums. He seemed to take water from the public tap on the adjacent railway platform to his tent or place where his family was working. He was fully drenched in water - head to toe - with water finding its way out from the pot on the head. The man, bent down and offered help to the boy. He carried the pot in one of his hands (managing his bags on his shoulders and other hand) and walked around 50 meters to deliver the pot to the boy's mother. The boy was feeling humbled was asking him the pot back but the man ensured it is delivered at its destination. There was a smile on the boy's face and even on his mother's as they thanked  the man. 

This man could have walked off, citing reasons or excuses. But he chose to help. It was just 2 minutes of his day but he could bring a smile on someone's face. I am sure that boy / mother would definitely have shown or would show the same gesture to someone else. It definitely would have created a positive energy in them which would have been transferred to some one else or into their actions of the day.

Some days teach you a lot than others. I reached 10 mins early for my next train and was waiting on the platform, checking WhatsApp and mails on my mobile. It was peak time and there was heavy rush on the station. The train came and I could not get a seat and was standing. Since it was peak time, the train waited for people coming in and I could see many running towards the train.

This lady entered and the doors closed behind her. She was breathing hard and hardly able to support herself on the then tired legs. Many looked at her and decided to ignore but for this gentleman who offered her the seat. The lady out of courtesy denied the offer but on his insistence took the seat not forgetting to thank him for the same. And when she her station came and some one else was about to take the same seat, he did not forget to ask our gentleman if he would like to take his seat back.

A small gesture again, helped someone. Brought smiles and also reflected on others' behavior.

Small Deeds, Small changes.. they ripple down, propagate and makes it big at some point of time; Big enough to change the world.

To laugh often and much
to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; 

to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty, 

to find the best in others; 

to leave the world a bit better, 

whether by a healthy child a garden patch or redeemed social condition; 

to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. 

This is to have succeeded.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson